Charles Barkley Smokes Big, Fat Cigars

The Olympic Scene                                                                         July 12, 1996
By Glynn Wilson

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WARNING: If you're under 18 do not read this. It could be hazardous to your health.

      ATLANTA, July 26, 1996 -- NEWS FLASH: Charles Barkley smokes big, fat cigars.

      Yes, that's THE Charles Barkley, star forward of Dream Team III, the USA's Olympic basketball team which has been "struggling" in the Atlanta Games, according to the national sports media, because it is only beating opponents by 30 points.

      To paraphrase another columnist who appears in the pages of many newspapers, I promise I'm not making this up.

How do I know Barkley smokes big, fat cigars? Because I saw him smoking a big, fat, long cigar on opening night at the House of Blues, a great new blues bar in an old Baptist church right next to the Omni and Centennial Park in Midtown Atlanta.

      For those of you still trapped in your houses for fear of Atlanta traffic jams, that's inside the Olympic "ring," where cars are not allowed. Bicycles are allowed, however, as are buses, trains and feet.

      Speaking of feet, I was standing about 15-feet away from Barkley, the distance from the free-throw line to the basket, while he smoked this big, fat, long, smelly cigar. Of course Barkley was not alone. Everyone was smoking cigars.

      Well, almost everyone. I didn't see Scotty Pippen smoking one. But I did see several members of the USA women's basketball team with cigars in their hands. And they were lit. I can't swear under oath to whether they inhaled or not.

      Yet it's obvious that smoking cigars is THE BIG THING, now that smoking cigarettes has become about as socially acceptable as picking one's nose or burping in public.

      Smoking a big, fat cigar in public is the ultimate act of social rebellion. Cigars last a lot longer than cigarettes, especially big, fat ones. They smell twice, no 10-times as bad.

      Barkley, of course, is known as something of a rebel. He's from Leads, Alabama, only a few miles from my home town of Birmingham, and played college basketball at Auburn, where he first earned a reputation for "trash talk," throwing elbows, and fighting in bars.

      Now he's a national celebrity who got almost as much air time during the opening ceremony as Shaquill O'Neal, President Clinton, Mohammed Ali and that giant, ugly Greco-Roman wrestler from Siberia. As such, Barkley is, of course, a huge role model for kids, as well as a spokesman for an international shoe company.

      As I write this, Barkley's agents and handlers are looking for me, trying to keep this column from ever reaching print. It should not be known publicly that an athlete of Barkley's stature smokes big, fat cigars. To paraphrase a former president: "Wouldn't be prudent."

      But it's too late. Now the world knows. Sorry mom's and dad's everywhere. Don't be surprised if your kids come home from the Olympics, or summer camp, smelling of cigar smoke.

      Be thankful, though. At least it's not marijuana. Or does smoking cigars lead to smoking other things? Perhaps we need a national study on the subject.

In the meantime, find time to visit "the games" in Atlanta. Just don't take MARTA. Drive your car and park a couple of blocks away, take your bicycle off your bike rack, and ride to the best time of your life.

      There are plenty of parking spaces for $1.75 if you have the patience to look.

Besides, it's a once-in-a-lifetime event to have the Olympics in the South. Due to the number of people dying of heat stroke (just kidding) the International Olympic Committee, better known as the IOC, will never make that mistake again.

      I recommend the men's bicycle road race around Buckhead Wednesday, July 31. It's one of the few free events that you can watch from a bar. I know I'll be there. See you on the Olympic Scene. Don't forget to watch out for pipe bombs in dark green backpacks.