The Southerner Journal

A group known as the YesMen spoofed the New York Times this morning. OK, you may say, putting up this fake Web site could be done by almost anyone. But going to the trouble of making and distributing a print edition to the morning commuters?

That’s genius .

MONTICELLO, Ark. — I recently attended the Associated Collegiate Press/College Media Advisers annual conference in Kansas City, Mo. Students seemed worried that the media as we know it will not be there once they get out of school.

Who’s to blame them considering the continual death tolls:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/29/business/media/29carr.html

Considering we’ve just gone from three national daily newspapers to two, who’s to provide the news if the profits from the print product disappear? Who’s to say the Christian Science Monitor won’t figure it out?

http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1029/p25s01-usgn.html

But just when everyone says newspapers are dying, along comes a historical event and EVERYBODY wants a paper:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/06/obama.newspapers.ap/index.html

Personally I believe newspapers will stay around as long as smaller communities exist, and as long as people need something to read while taking public transportation, going to the bathroom or sitting under a tree. Truly, time will tell.

Under the Microscope
by Glynn Wilson

In a world of hurt and bad news as the global economy implodes, there is some good news to report this Sunday morning as the late October air finally begins to cool off the brick walls of The Bunker.

The best news is that the presidential election of 2008 is almost over. One more week of negative TV ads and lying robo-calls and then we can all breathe a sigh of relief and get on with trying to turn this country in a better direction after eight years of black Bush anti-rule.

That is if the Democrats win and we don’t have to spend another four years fighting the idiotic conservative policies of the angry John McCain and his right-wing nut running mate Sarah Palin.

The other good news is that with one week and two days to go, the aggregated polling at Pollster.com shows the Democratic Party ticket winning in a landslide on Nov. 4. Let’s just hope the lead holds up for a few more days so that Karl Rove’s hackers cannot steal another election.

While the not-so-liberal New York Times issued it’s reasoned endorsement of the ticket of Barack Obama for president this week, our wildly conservative Republican hometown newspaper just had to extend its losing streak with this hilariously misleading endorsement of McCain.

We are still waiting on the apology from that editorial staff for their two-time endorsement of the dufus president-prince George W. Bush. It’s a wonder the racist “pro-life” newspaper sells any papers at all in a city full of liberals and African-American voters. I guess it’s safe to say they sell more newspapers in the white-flight suburbs than the city itself. The financial calculation had to be that an endorsement of Obama would have finished off the paper that has lost a significant portion of its staff of late to early retirement packages.

If only they knew how to produce a Website readers could use, they might have a chance of surviving in this new online world. There are a number of us out here who will never forgive them for their role in killing the one Scripps paper in Alabama, The Birmingham Post-Herald, which might have been able to provide the kind of Web journalism this state needs. Other Scripps papers around the country are doing some amazing work, including the Rocky Mountain News in Colorado and the Knoxville News-Sentinel in east Tennessee.

But that’s OK, because we have a long-term plan to continue providing a viable alternative to the people of this state who want a FREE free online news source without all the bureaucratic baggage of a conservative chain newspaper where corporate profits rule the editorial roost.

Since we already endorsed the Democratic Party’s pick in this race, there’s no reason to re-endorse the Obama-Biden ticket. Our recommendation is for voters to check the Big D and vote a straight Democratic Party ticket on the Nov. 4 ballot, not so much as an endorsement of “the man,” but to throw the Republican bums out who have screwed up just about everything they can in this country for the past eight years.

It is really hard to understand how anyone can vote for another Republican with the economy in the worst shape since the Great Depression, along with the debacle of the Iraq war, the failures associated with Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, and the complete loss of trust of the United States by people the world over.

We are concerned with some of Barack Obama’s suggested moderate policies, such as his hedge to the private sector on national health insurance. And we were not happy with his vote this summer for Bush’s spying bill that gutted the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution.

But we believe he is an educated man with an even-keel personality who can negotiate our way back into the hearts and minds of people around the world. And that should be our number one priority right now. We are going to need the good will of the world to right the wrongs and reverse the bad policies of the Bush-Cheney years.

Our first priority has to be an energy plan that begins to reduce our dependence on oil from the Middle East, a policy that also begins to address the top problem facing the world right now: climate change due to global warming. Even the Bush CIA and Senator John McCain realize that’s the world’s top problem, although that news gets buried in an election year when, in American elections, no one wants to be labeled a “liberal environmentalist.”

Once this election is over next Tuesday, that will be our focus. We will be working to influence the new administration in dealing with our energy and environmental problems, as well as figuring out how to provide health care to every American citizen. While the conservatives will continue to scream about “big government,” it’s going to take a pretty big government in the U.S. to tackle these problems.

And the fact is, it’s going to take a pretty big government, as well, to provide the leadership and incentive structure to fix the shattered economy. Our vision is that the only real future we have is a green future. We can grow our way out of this mess with green technology. That is our only real hope.

Prayers for a speedy recovery for Paul Finebaum.

For those of you blissfully unaware, the savior of Golden Eagles’ football faces a dilemma of whether to return to the Land of Cheese and pacify both his flock and his folly.

Brett Favre, known in these parts first for taking little ol’ Southern Miss to its first 10-win season in over 35 years, went on to do a few things in that professional league too. Folks up there practically built shrines for the guy who made the Pack relevant again.

Now it seems Mr. Wrangler might want to play (though he denied it) and doesn’t really care if it’s for a new set of worshipers or the old (after all, those Greek gods did all right switchin’ to the Romans, didn’t they?). And all the talking heads are in a twitch.

Well Brett, I’m here to tell ya don’t do it son. True, you just enjoyed personal records for yards-per-attempt and completion percentage. True, you nearly returned to the game with million-dollar halftime commercials. True, that kid they’re trying to replace you with doesn’t even know enough not to insult the fans.

But let’s be honest, that just makes you look better in hindsight. From now until eternity, every Cheesehead in America will have to admit, “You know, that Bart Starr was a damn good quarterback, but he wasn’t a Favre.”

Which brings me to my point in a rather roundabout manner. You’ve still got NFL glory to attain by never getting on the field again and breaking the damn curse.

As you know, every Madden coverboy has been cursed with maybe the exception of Vince Young (and he’s just a kid, so we’ll see). The quarterback choices - Culpepper, Vick, McNabb - read like a “Who’s Who in Misery.”

Well, coverboy, I think the Madden folks thought they’d break the curse by paying tribute to arguably the best quarterback ever as he stepped away from the game. But they didn’t count on that unquenchable fire that drives you to be the best at anything you do.

What do people really expect? You’re in maybe the best shape of your life and feeling at the top of your game. And maybe if you’re wearing a different jersey than what’s on the cover, maybe the curse would bypass you.

But do you really want to take that chance? I mean, this ain’t basketball or golf we’re talking about. Don’t you remember watching Joe Theismann’s bone coming out of his skin? He was trying to play a young man’s game, a savage game, a game where reputations are made by taking down someone with a reputation.

And do you really have anything left to prove? Let’s see, the Associated Press’ only three-time NFL MVP in history with stats littering the record book because, if nothing else, you were really good for a long time.

Now I know you’re getting an itch and you don’t really know what to do with yourself. After all, chores on 465 acres must be a little tiresome. After all, you’re only 38 — there’s got to be more in life than this. Right?

Relax, there is. A virtual fountain of youth that will keep your competitive juices ratcheted up to a point of quiver. No, no, I’m not talkin’ about NASCAR, though Mark Martin plans to show everyone that 50 is the new 30. Why who’s to say you couldn’t get behind the wheel of one of those things and cause a ruckus?

Nah, I’ve got something better than that. I’m talking about the real deal that keeps real men up nights in a cold sweat — bass fishin’.

Oh, my … the beauty of landing a HOG! Real men around America will set up shrines to you right next to the wooden lure that caught their grandpappy’s hog, which still hangs on their wall (even if it’s in the garage) because they didn’t dare sit it on the curb once he’d gone to the great pond in the sky. And there’s a little cross-over to football, i.e. you still want to be close but not tangled up in cover.

You can still catch the August FLW season just to see what next year’s competition will be. There’s plenty of cool stuff to buy, so that lil’ fortune you made won’t be wasted. Instead of being on TV on Sundays through the football seasons, you could be on TV every Sunday with your own show.

Besides, everybody knows any day spent fishin’ must be a damn good day.