Fiction Thank You, Thank You Very Much Installment 4
Birdie Has A Brainstorm By R. L. Brown Elmore turned to Birdie. "I'm gettin' tired of all the second guessin.' Extraterrestrial or extradimensional, there's somethin' big happenin' here and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. I just need a little time to think this through." Birdie sighed deeply and looked with longing at Elmore as he turned and walked out onto the front porch. Hoping for a close encounter, but realizing that tonight Elmore's thoughts were lending themselves only to vertical contemplation, she went into the kitchen and poured a glass of iced tea. Birdie was confused. As a Bible believing, fire-baptized member of The First Free Will Church of the Apostolic Faith in downtown Hollywood, Miss., she had a deeply spiritual side. The thought of Elvis kidnapped and forced into a life of alien entertainment servitude was one thing — but the King as somehow singing from the great beyond was another. She had not thought highly of their visitor from California; suspecting him of little more than warmed over New Age-isms, what with his thinly veiled references to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the obscure eastern mysticism found in the Book of the Dead. If anything, being from California was as bad or worse than being a Yankee. No — Elvis was not communicating from beyond the grave. Elvis was alive and well and, if she was right, then they were in for an even bigger surprise. Birdie sat down at the computer and began investigating her suspicions. "Let's just see if I can't cipher this out." Although at first glance, a simple if voluptuous country girl, Birdie had studied at Georgia Tech before leaving behind the bright lights and glitter of Atlanta for her own business back in Hollywood. "All right, elapsed time for data reception on initial contact was x. So computing the Earth's own orbital speed in conjunction with the constant distance between our solar system and Alpha Centauri, then the second data transmission should have been received. . . . Gotcha! I knew it! The elapsed transmission time is decreasing! Elvis is coming home." "Damn, Birdie, good thinking." Birdie turned to see Elmore standing behind her. "Elmore darlin', you didn't think I was just talkin' about hair and makeup when I told you I was a cosmo-tologist did you?" "Birdie you are one fine woman." "Nice of you to notice. Now, what say we make sure the landing spot is nearby." "What do you recommend?" "First, I need the GPS you use when you're deer huntin'. I figure you've programmed in the best and most out the way spots in the woods around here." "You heard that right." "Good. We need a secluded place for the ship to set down and we'll get the longitude and latitude from your GPS. Then I need your copy of Ludlow Porch's — The Fat White Guy's Cook Book." "Sure thing. But Why?" "Cause Uncle Luddy has the exact recipe for Elvis' favorite food. The Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich. Something Elvis was never able to resist." Elmore began to grin. "Birdie you are a genius. Now let's send our alien friends a little message and include what's on the menu at the welcome home party." Birdie grinned big and popped a fresh piece of Juicy Fruit in her mouth. Smacking big she said, "Don't forget to have 'em RSVP." Jump to Installment 5 Review the rules here To submit your 500-word contribution, just type it up and e-mail it to mail@southerner.net. Please include the words Elvis Lives in the subject line in all caps, like this: ELVIS LIVES.
Copyright © The Southerner 1999-2000  |
